So this is love
by Mikki Kimani
Summary: Ludwig is stationed at a concentration camp in Nazi Germany where he runs into the man who will forever change his life. Free form. Eventual GerIta. Trigger warnings for some homophobic content


This was really hard to write and is completely different from anything I've ever written.

**Trigger Warning** - This story has elements of homophobia, racism as well as graphic violence so please don't read if you might be affected by such things.

I had to do quite a bit of research on this as I knew almost nothing about the Third Reich and/or the Holocaust. I used the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum for most of my research.

I don't know if it's common knowledge but in the concentration camps, pink triangles were used as an indicator of homosexuality. Men who wore the pink badge were treated horribly, by both the wardens and their fellow prisoners. You can find out more about this here

Beta'd by Robyn

I'd really like some feedback on this so let me know what you thought in the reviews

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**So This Is Love**

The first time he sees him Ludwig is struck dumb. He is at a university meeting and a strange man passes by the window. Ludwig turns to stare and he can feel his whole world change at the sight of his smile. It's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, bright and honest and he feels like he's drowning

He doesn't ever see the smiling man at that corner again. He thinks he'll never see him again but at night, when he is in that hazy state between sleep and wakefulness he thinks he dreams of chestnut curls and brown eyes

Hitler rises to power and with him comes radical change. Ludwig enlists in the army because he is young and strong. His mother cries when she watches him leave

The next few years are a blur of sweat and blood; he has grown into a monster. He never takes part in the atrocities around him but he stands back and lets them happen and that is somehow even worse

He is stationed at a concentration camp and every day he watches innocent men come in to die and he cries himself to sleep

Then one day they bring in a new batch and amongst the trembling inmates he spots the smiling man, his eyes still impossibly bright and he sees the pink triangle on his uniform and cold dread seeps into his heart

He finds out that the man's name is Feliciano and that he is being persecuted for loving

The worst torture is watching his smile get a little duller and he imagines that it's like his own soul, slowly drowning under the burden of despair

Ludwig does not stop the world from hurting him but he dresses his wounds in secret, he brings him medication carefully stolen from the sanatorium, he gives him half his rations but it's not enough, it'll never be enough

Feliciano always smiles his thanks and one day tells him that he has a good heart.

They get a new camp commandant and Ludwig thinks he must be the devil incarnate; there is not a single shred of tenderness within him. He is brutal in his methods and even the most ruthless soldier is cowed by his cruelty

In his relentless pursuit of "the master race" the commandant orders that all homosexual men in their camp be exterminated

In that instant, Ludwig realizes that there is nothing that he would not do to protect Feliciano

As soon as there is a change of guard, he abandons his post and sneaks into the stores and steals all the rations he can fit into his bag.

There is a guard outside the barrack where he is being held, Ludwig, with a false smile and a heavy heart, convinces him that he wants to punish him for his unnaturalness (He has to hit Feliciano to sell it and he thinks death would be preferable than the betrayal in his eyes)

Finally they are allowed to leave and Feliciano, with a resigned look, turns to him and says "Do what you must"

It kills him that he doesn't bother to fight, this man who had life in his eyes and the brightest smile has been reduced to a broken shell while he stood by and did nothing

"I want to be brave…for you" he confesses. "I was a coward before. But you deserve better. You always deserved better"

He hands him the pitiful bundle and watches as realization slowly dawns in his eyes.

Feliciano looks at him. And he smiles and it is the sun coming from behind the clouds and he smiles back and they stand there in the moonlight of a place of death and Ludwig realizes that this is what love feels like and that is where the commandant finds them

They throw them into the cells and beat them and Ludwig prays for death, they show no mercy, boots break his ribs and cigarettes put out on his face and through it all he thinks that he would do it all over again just to see him smile

After what seems like an eternity, they take him out, bound and broken. The weak sunlight of the open field hurts his eyes and he realizes that he is at the execution field

They bring Feliciano and tie him to the pole besides his and he is so sorry that he couldn't save him in time

Out of some misguided concern they offer him a blindfold.

He declines

He hears bullets being loaded into the chamber, the cocking of a gun in the near distance. He knows they will not miss

He turns to him and whispers through cracked lips, "I love you"

The last thing he sees as bullets rip into his body is Feliciano smiling at him


End file.
